Keep an Iron in the Workplace Fire Stay-At-Home Moms!
“I called Ted the next day because I needed money for groceries. Get a J-O-B, BITCH!!! After that exchange, I called my attorney.”
Excerpt from The People In My House
I had been a stay-at-home for over a decade when I found myself penniless at the grocery store.
It went like this…
Rolling my cart up and down the aisles, my daughter Kennedy and I are talking about the places she wants to visit over the summer. The zoo, the aquarium and the amusement park are tops on her list. She reminds me of the trip we took to the Bahamas not so long ago and wants to go back. “Maybe someday,” I told her having no idea when “someday” would be. She grabbed a box of Capri Sun, last item on our list, and we headed to check out. I mindlessly set the items on the conveyor belt and stepped forward to pay the cashier. A mundane event turned to panic when the cashier ran my card and it was declined. Declined? I echoed and told her to run it again. She did. It was futile. I could feels beads of sweat forming on my chest. My peripheral vision revealed a line of shoppers, their necks craning around one another to see what the hold up was. Nervously, I told the cashier that something must be wrong with my account and pledged to come back. Humiliated by having to part with a cart full of groceries, I headed straight to the bank. My account balance revealed all of the funds had been withdrawn from my joint checking account with my husband.
I was in the middle of a divorce…
When I confronted my husband he informed me that NONE of the money was mine because I was a stay-at-home mom. How did “our money” suddenly become “just his money?” I thought. It was a remarkable statement considering we came to the decision of me staying home together, after I had three consecutive back surgeries.
Well, my husband didn’t budge and the next six months I was begging for money. Finally my dad had to step in to help. And here’s the thing, my lawyer couldn’t do a damn thing about it without getting in front of a judge. But in my case it didn’t matter. I waited for alimony that would never come. In the end, I was left destitute with a crippling credit report.
And here’s where things got more complicated…
After the divorce, with no marketable job skills, (my stay-at-home mom skills didn’t translate into a way to support myself or anyone else financially), I took a low paying job for some immediate financial relief. Later, I applied for full time jobs. Three potential employers passed on me, stating “We can’t afford to hire someone with your credit history, It’s too much of a risk.” A stunning moment that I ruminated over for weeks being my husband had ruined my credit. A year and half later my back fell apart and I would require another seven surgeries. I applied for disability, which generally takes two years. It was my understanding that all of the years I had paid into the system would be counted towards my entitlement. Not so. Why? because you cannot have a ten year gap in your work history and as bad luck would have it, I had exactly ten.
Soooo… the eleven years I worked before I elected to be a stay-a-home mom didn’t count. Rules are rules. My entitlement was $485 dollars a month. If Social Security had counted my entire work history, I would have been entitled to more than $1400 dollars a month. Not a lot of money, but when you have nothing, it’s a lot.
Do you see where I’m going with this?
Here’s my point. A series of unfortunate events set my financial downfall in motion. Keeping an iron in the “workplace” fire would have given me resources. I wouldn’t have been at the mercy of my husband. I could have paid for those groceries that humiliating day, and most importantly, had more working credits towards a disability benefit that would have helped immensely. Financial Independence would have kept me from being broke, angry, selling stuff I really cared about, and making decisions out of fear. I would have had more choices and more power. It just makes good financial sense to protect yourself in case “happily ever after” isn’t forever.
As for me, I’m back in the virtual classroom. I’m loving it as it gives me hope for a more financially secure future. I do wish there was a SchoolHouse Rock for Excel though!
